Sunday, May 20, 2012


It's weird.
At this moment in time of my life, I don't know what I want.
I've always known that moments and feelings are mostly impossible to describe.  And I think that's the beauty of feelings and moments.  [But I think I'll come back to that later.]  Anyways.  I'll do my best to describe it.
I've been having these brief moments on braindeadness.  And if you know much about me, that's a rarity- to have nothing moving through my head.  But the fact of the matter is that I have exactly one week from tomorrow to spend in this community cliche of a place called Greenville.  And that's both the most wonderful and the most sucky all at the same time.  It's the most intense form of bittersweet a person can feel.  Because, I'm very glad to go.  And I know it's time to go.  I feel old here and I feel like I don't belong.  And that's how I know it's time.  And I'm excited to go.  I'm excited to see what life is going to throw at me next.  And I have no doubt that it will be grand.
But. There's the whole comfortable thing.  There's something about leaving a place I've been so comfortable in for the past four years.  Leaving all of the different perspectives that I'm surrounded by here.  
There are people I wish I could spend more time with.  People that I still want to be here for.  So many memories that I made here.  So much comfort of being surrounded by people that are friendly. But. Life is life, yknow?
So yea.  There have been a lot of back and forth waves of all that.  [Sine and cosine waves... if you will]  

Now.  Back to these feelings and moments and the beauty of never quite being able to describe it all.  I think it's pretty neat at the same time it can be frustrating.  Because sometimes I really wish I could describe certain moments and feelings to share with people.  But.  It's all part of the beauty.  Also.  This quote from 'The Vow' is pretty great:  "The moment of impact.  The moment of impact proves potential for change.  Has ripple effects far beyond what we can predict.  Sending some particles crashing together.  Making them closer than before.  While sending others spinning off into great ventures.  Landing them where you never thought you'd find them.  That's the thing about moments like these.  You can't, no matter how hard you try, control how it's gonna affect you.  You just gotta let the colliding parts go where they may.  And wait.  For the next collision."

In other news, I've created my own coffee shop for the day.  I'm on my second cup of coffee.  I could use a new candle, though.  This one is losing it's power.  But it still makes for a wonderful  Probability and Statistics studying environment., along with my 8tracks playlist.  So.  It's back to the books until Blakeley gets here!
Speaking of Blake.  That reminds me.  I'm super pumped.  This next week will be filled with people I love.  Best friends and family.  All of the people that have made such an impact on who I am.  It's gonna be so grand.  So filled with conversation and giggles and hugs.

But for now.  It's back to the big ol' math book.

One more thing.  To hopefully make you smile at this sentimental bittersweet time.  


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