Friday, July 26, 2013

I Want To Go To Texas.

So I skyped my friend Shayla ... a while ago. But I'm just now publishing my long lost post about it. But to say the least, it was far overdue. I cannot think if anything but love when it comes to her. Love and hilarity. That just about sums her up. I save all her voicemails because she has the most delicate way of making me laugh. I'm not even sure that she knows it. She's sang me so many songs about being stuck in traffic that I could make a CD. And it would sound beautiful, by the way. Because she say the most amazing voice. Now. Before I mention that she likes long walks on the beach., I'll cut to the chase.
Every time we talk she says something profound. Again, I know she doesn't realize it.  Because she's so accustomed to her own thinking.  But I realize it. Because it's wonderful. 
Anyways. I asked her if she thought that people were afraid of letting good things happen to them sometimes. Because that's the only logical explanation for some things in life. And she agreed so I asked her why.
And she said that society has made life such a constant struggle. We always seem to need something to complain about. If it's not school, then it's your job. If it's not your job then its a relationship. 
It's almost an ego thing for us to be 'conquering' some sort if struggle. Winning in some sort of battle.
Anyways. I think it's a theme. And I'm not saying it's a horrible thing. I'm sure it's therapeutic to talk about our struggles. Figure them out by getting advice and processing it all outloud ourselves. But I just hope it doesn't keep people from letting good happen to them. I think some people are afraid of that. I think I'm afraid of that sometimes. As much as that doesn't make sense. I almost feel guilty if good happens to me. Like I don't deserve it because good just doesn't happen to everybody.  
Anyways.  I'll leave you with my thoughts. I'm getting awfully rambly here. 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

My Ginja.

I had the day off today. And it was surely wonderful. It seems like my days off are never usually used to their full potential.  Meaning I'm never as lazy as I want to be. Or productive. . If that's what I choose to be that day.
But I'd say today was at least a 9. I had an interview this morning.  Just a little tiny one. Nothing life changing as of now.  But I'm excited about the possibility. But we try to never get too hopeful until getting hopeful is due.
Then McKenzie met me for my hair appointment.  Because, being the best friend that she is ., she couldn't miss something like that. So she helped me pick my hair color and I finally colored my hair for once in my life. I was just ready for a switch up. 24 years with basically the same hair color just gets to be old after a while.
Then we thought about leaving town for the day., but being piles sounded far more appealing to us. So we rented a movie and painted our nails. And it was fantastic.

And since you're most likely not satisfied with just a play by play of my day... I'll give some not so profound wisdom:
Good friends are hard to come by. And I'm realizing even more so as I'm getting super sad for McKenzie to leave for school. That girls gonna do big and great things with her life. I'm just gonna miss her while she's off doing them. Only a best friend watches movies alone on your couch all day because she doesn't want you to puke and sleep all day by your lonesome. Only a best friend will surprise you after work to go for a walk when she knows you've had one hell of a day. Only a best friend will call you out honestly on any mistakes she thinks you need to know.  Only a best friend knows exactly what drink you want at the exact time you want it (Starbucks included). Because hanging out with someone 24/7 gets pretty awesomely predictable. Only a best friend can gives you one look that makes you burst out laughing.  Or start crying (in a lot of our cases). I could go on and on. But she already knows. So I'll stop this sentimental stuff.
Love you Kenz. :)


Basket Case.

Well. I thought about revamping my blog and jumping ship from blogspot.  But as it turns out, I just can’t do it.  So here I’ll stay. The thing is., I’ve been really horrible at transferring my thoughts to something more permanent than a simple wander in my brain.  So I’ll try and work on that.

Here's a little Bachelorette wisdom for the day.
"Life doesn't change, but people do.  So learn to accept that not everyone is who you thought you knew." Says Mikey T. And you know, I kind of like that quote.  I'm not one for cliches but I think that has a lot of truth.  I think you could argue that life changes.. but it stays the same in the fact that something is always growing or developing.  But I think the things that are always changing or developing have to do with the fact that people are changing.  And sometimes people actually change.. but sometimes you realize that people simply weren't who you thought they were.  But sometimes people surprise us for the better.  Anyways.  Nuf a that.

In other news, I think I'm addicted to reality T.V.  And by that I mean.. I know I am.  And I know that reality T.V. isn't reality at all.  I know no woman dates 25 men at one time and I know it's impossible to exercise all day long with Bob Harper.  But oh is it fun to watch.  Drama that's not my own is drama I can take.  I'm embarrassed to admit it.. but tonight I'm wasting all my brain cells watching Temptation Island that aired in 2001. Man is it terrible. And terribly addicting.  4 couples go to this island where there are other single men and single women.  Then the couples split up and they're basically free to mingle for two weeks and then they regather and see who still loves each other.  Pretty awful if you ask me.  But it is really interesting to see how these relationships are all so different.  It's just like people watching I suppose.  Maybe that's why I love it.  But I certainly don't know why these couples would subject themselves to this kind of thing.  And man have the styles changed since 2001.

For old times sake I'll wrap this up NikweetaMegs best-worst style.
Best: Sleeping in until 10:30.
Worst: Sleeping in until 10:30.
And for the person of the day, I'm reaching back into yesterday.  There was this guy sitting in the Menards parking lot in a jeep looking vehicle rocking out to "DO YOU HAVE THE TIME.. TO LISTEN TO ME WHINE?!.." at the top of his lungs with his windows down.  Nothing like a free spirit jamming to Green Day to make your day.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Dot Dot Dot.

In a way, I feel like I'm sort of losing myself.  But it's a weird sort of losing myself.   Like I'm finding myself at the same time.  I think they might call that growing up. 

The more I've grown up the more I've realized that life becomes less about finding one person to be with and more about finding the good people to be around.

Finding the good people has proven to be a more daunting task than I once thought.  I blame it on society.  And what Aristotle calls 'friendships of pleasure'. We love 'em and leave 'em far too fast these days.  Stick around people! Don't run away so quickly. 

There are probably so many songs about heartbreak because there are so many heartbreaks.  But I don't think that means we're supposed to lose hope in people. And that's definitely easier said than done. 

I believe that humans are ridiculous for not saying how they actually feel. Wouldn't life be better that way? No cloudy blurred lines. Again.. Easier said than done. With the exception of guest service... Most of us wouldn't have jobs if we spoke our minds. 

"Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke is quite the catchy song. 

Grey's Anatomy has some of the best quotes and moments in the history of television.

I want to read the classics.  Like the Great Gatsby and Pride and Prejudice.  But usually something else intrigues me more like reading my Calculus textbook or watching an episode of Big Bang.

Life is funny sometimes. 



Friday, April 26, 2013

A Ginja, A Ninja, And An Extra Large Grey T-Shirt.

As counted by my dear friend, Michael, it's been one month and 18 days since my last blog. So.. by demand of one., here I am. 

A few things.  First.,I'm in love with this quote. (Thanks, Caroline, for tweeting it ;)

"I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say." -Flannery O'Connor
Truth is, I find it to be quite true.  Maybe not only with writing, but with talking, too. I've noticed that I'm an outside sort of processor. I don't think that everyone is okay with that type of thing either. I've learned that people either appreciate and enjoy my out loud processing... or they somewhat despise and don't allow or understand it. But I sure do love people who allow me to process out loud. Because. . You see... I'm not really a fan of talking to myself. And I can't journal too much because I have grama-achey wrists. And typing is just fine but it offers no perspective. You see.. talking to people who understand that my ramblings are how I think...that is just the grandest.

Which leads me to my next point. People can make or break your life. If you've read any of my last blogs ., you might have noticed that I've dwelled on the thought of friendship. And working deeper in customer service now I've realized that some people are just straight up assholes. And some people can see the sunshine on the rainiest of days. You just can't let the bad apples ruin you. So thank you Tony, McKenzie, and Hannah. For giving me some of the best in person convos I've had in a while. You deserve a shout out. Whether you're a blog reader or not. Because although I've got fantastic friends in other states.. a girl can get lonely.

 In other news: For a while now I've been a little bit fascinated with definitions. Like the actual dictionary kind. I think definitions get so misconstrued (that means interpreted wrongly ;) as people put their own perspective on things. Kind of like how we used to play telephone when we were in kindergarten. A person can learn a lot from that game, ya know. 

So anyways. This is my life. My friends. And my current favorite word. 

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Stay Sane.

I'm not very good at knowing when to let go of what or whom.  I know that certain ideas and dreams and people are only around for what eventually will feel like a moment. But how do you know which ones are moments and which ones are meant to last past the moment? Because not everything can be temporary.  But not everything can be permanent.  And sometimes the circumstances determine what stays, what goes, and when. But how do we know? And who says what's good for us anyways? 
Logically., we can't have the same exact dreams we had in kindergarten.  I mean... I wanted to be a clown when I was 5.  Seriously.
And we can't stay friends with everyone we've ever met and cared about.  At least not constantly and consistently.  I've got daycare best friends.  Childhood best friends. Grade school. Junior high. High school. Church best friends.  Camp best friends.  College number one and college number two best friends. Home for the summer best friends. Home for good best friends.  And a few that overlap. And I'd say that's a good thing.  But no one is all of them.  Even the best of them.  At some point, though, some of your once best best friends will probably become some sort of acquaintance.  And that sounds like such a bummer, doesn't it? It makes me feel like I don't want to care or that I'm unable to. But the thing is, we are unable to.  It's not logical to take care of everyone who crosses our paths as deeply as we once did.  Everybody is an awful large amount of people to care about.  And I'm realizing that I'm really bad at letting myself off the hook on this one.  It doesn't make me a horrible person if I take care of my own sanity once in a while. And it doesn't make you a horrible person if you do either.
But what if you miss someone?  And is it still possible to care about somebody without being in their life everyday?  Every week? I've done my share of missing friendships I've had to let go of for whatever reason.  And it makes me pretty sad most of the time.  But then there's that whole thing about 'do you miss the person or do you miss the moments?'. And I suppose that's another conundrum for another day. But I think we've got daily friends, weekly friends, bi-weekly, monthly, yearly catch-up coffee date friends, 5 years ago ones.  Friends that we're still allowed to care about.  But I guess we've all gotta do what we've all gotta do.  But what I do know is that my daily and weekly friends are pretty grand.  And I'd be lost without them. 

And I'm sorry it seems that all I blog about is friendship lately. But hey. It is what it is.

Also.  I love this guy. 

Speaking of friends.  I get to see Brittney and Blakeley in two tiny days. Oh my. I can't wait. 

And just for fun, I'll leave you with a quote from J.F.K.
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

Friday, February 15, 2013

"Right Now We Are Alive And In This Moment I Swear We Are Infinite."

You know., it's a little bit crazy.  How often we aren't on the same page as other people.  And I'd say a big part of the time.. maybe even 63%... it's frustrating. And I think today I might say that it's frustrating. To not be on the same page as most people in my life. Just today. 
But what if we were always on the same page as everyone all the time? The world would be a more peaceful place. Potentially. There would be rainbows and symphonies (if that's your thing) all the time. Maybe even unicorns (again.. if that's your thing)
But my goodness. Think about how boring that would be. If you just knew what everyone was thinking and feeling all the time.  Exactly what they thought about whatever situation you were in. And you knew what they thought about whatever situation they were in. And ditto to any situation two people were in together. You'd know what the other one thought without discussion.  What would happen to wondering? I mean.. sometimes it's annoying. Having to wonder all the time what another person might be thinking because they don't want to tell you for whatever reason.  They don't want to hurt you. They're embarrassed  They think you'd completely disagree.  Yada yada.  But when you're dealing with people who aren't 100% stubborn... wondering can be quite okay.
And think about conversation. It would be completely dead if we all always thought the same things. Because there would be no need to discuss anything. And there is so much beauty to conversation. At least I think so.
And what would happen to relationships? Because [for me anyways] such a big part of relationships comes from wondering and conversation and agreeing and disagreeing.  And finding people who can clarify beautifully exactly what they were wondering about in a way that makes you understand so clearly.  And finding people who you can have conversations with for hours.  About what you wondered about years ago and what you're wondering about right now.
So basically. I'd be lost.  I wouldn't have a clue to who I would get along with because if we 'click' everyone .. I think we
 might as well not 'click' with anyone at all. 
I think you get the point. 

In other news.  I made these pillows this week.  I don't mean to brag. But I'm going to. I'm pretty proud. And. It sure kept me busy. So that was fun.  Now I'm on a sewing kick. Again. We'll see what else I can whip up.  

1. I need to skype Nikweeta.  It's an absolute must. I can't stand being away from her. It just plain stinks. 
2. Gilly and Blake are coming in less than a month. I could not be more excited Well. I could. But only if I could like.. get a kiss from Josh Duhamel or something like that.  So.  I'm pretty pumped.  Also, I'm training my parents to not lick their fingers so Gilly won't be grossed out. But. Dad says we're gonna hide the silverware when she's here so she can get over her fear. 
3. Perks Of Being A Wallflower was super good. It has quite a few thought provoking quotes. My favorite: "We accept the love we think we deserve." Shoot. Just think about that. It makes a lot of sense when you think about how some people end up with 'awful' people. And we don't really understand why they let their lives go on that way. Well. I suppose that could have a lot to do with it. 
4. I miss Ens Martins. And being her roommate.  And rapping to all the ridiculous songs and watching Wifeswap for hours on end. Those were the good ol days. 
5. I'm super excited for our family Canada trip. It's a ways away.. But it couldn't come sooner. 

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

'You've Got Mail'

I think one of my favorite movies has got to be "You've Got Mail." It kind of stuck out of no-where.  I guess it's just a classic.
First of all, it's got a lot of excellent quotes.  But it's also got some interesting things to think about.
Isn't in interesting how some people just aren't what they seem?  Maybe it's just that our judgement of people is just so strongly influenced by what setting we meet a person in or what mood we're in when we do.
My apologies if you haven't see 'You've Got Mail'.  But if you have, I'm guessing you're familiar with Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly.  You see, Joe and Kathleen hate each other.  Because of all the obvious reasons.  Circumstances just won't allow them to get along.  But on the interwebs., they're completely intrigued by each other and what they have to say.  Because the circumstances allow it.  Or maybe it's because the internet leaves us to fill in whatever blanks however we want., but that's a different story.  Anyways. It's just interesting. How you can see a person when you're open to it.
I've had this thought before about re-getting to know people that I used to know, but with the perspective that I have on everything now.  In different circumstances.  I wonder how many people from my more naive years I'd be close with if I met them today instead of when I did.  Because I'm so much more intrigued by people than I used to be.  Anyways. How's that for unorganized thought?

"Sometimes I wonder about my life.  I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small- and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it? Or because I haven't been brave?.." -Kathleen Kelly

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.  Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat.. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappaccino!" -Joe Fox

"Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension- has sprung open?" -Joe Fox

Now that I think of it., it'd be kind of fun to be Kathleen Kelly for a while.  

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Partly Like It's The End Of The World.

Well. I suppose a lot happened in 2012. Then again.. how can only a little happen over 365 days? That's an awful lot of days.  So. Here we go.  It's reflection time.

I'm sure more happened then I can even remember.  And I'm sure more happened then you'd care to hear.  What I do know is that this is the year that I've had the most realizations about myself.  Who I am.  What I believe. Why I do the things I do.  I've finally started to embrace most things about me.  Some say I over-analyze .. and while that may be true., I think I analyze just the right amount for my liking.

To sum up a little bit of what I learned about myself:
1. I'm analytical. I'm blaming this development on my math major. But you know.. it's kind of fun to analyze things. Gets me thinking.
2. I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts.  And I have probably too many of them.  If you want a visual... My brain feels like a big old black space.  And thoughts float around in it in mostly incomplete and run-on sentences of all different shapes and colors.  The colors change a lot too.  Because most of my thoughts could fit into too many categories if I actually had categories to put them in.  But those are pretty blurry too [the categories]. So. Since they float around too much., a lot of them get sucked into a black hole and lost forever. Which is why I wish there was some neat way my brain could organize itself.  In a nice beautiful color-schemed outline.
3. I go on far too many tangents.  And sometimes I can't find my way back to the curve I took a tangent from.
4. I'm incredibly intrigued by other people.  I suppose that goes with the analyzing thing. I wish I was a bit more outgoing so that I could get to know more people and their stories.  Why they are the way they are.  I'm individualistic. No two people are the same. No two relationships can be the same. And that's the beauty of the world.  

5. I thrive on conversation. After all... That's mainly how we learn things.  Whether it be someone's favorite color or a fact about the Civil War that I'll most likely forget... new conversational discoveries are pretty great. 
6. Laughing is my favorite. 

...And other main miscellaneous thoughts from 2012:
1. My sister is my best friend. Seriously. I think I've grown closer to her this past year than any of the rest of them.  I can tell her anything and rest assured she'll care., no matter how dumb or significant it is. I'd be lost without her.
2. It's easier to understand than to try to be understood.  Even though we all want to be understood.  It can be exhausting to try to make people understand you.  Since we're all so different.  But if you try to understand people then you can sometimes understand why they do the things they do.  And that can often make more room for forgiveness. Don't get me wrong.. we all need to be understood a little.  But that's another discussion for another time.  

3. A lot of my friends got married this year.  And a few of my besties found love in their boyfriends.  I've thought a lot about relationships. I actually got quite independent in my singleness this year.  I was pleasantly surprised how happy was to be 'alone' in 2012. Of course not every day. But.. probably about 73% of the time.  Which is pretty good for me. My thoughts on love and all that are possibly endless.  So this obviously isn't the time or place for that. 
4. Oh yeah. I graduated from college. So that's a pretty big deal I suppose. And along with graduating comes all of the post-grad freakout/confusion madness. Being responsible can be hard. Finding motivation and determination can be hard too.  
5. You've got to have something to fight for in your life.  Whether it be a person. Several people.  A dream.  A goal.  Anything. It'd be kind of ridiculous to just let life run past you. 
6. My parents turned out to be pretty awesome too.  It's like they actually have wisdom or something.  
7. At the end of the day.,month.. year., whatever.. . I think we need to do our best to let love prevail.