Sunday, June 6, 2010

A Day of Contemplativeness.

Well. I'm quite aware that I'm making a mistake by still being awake at 2 a.m. The thing is though., I really can't help it. That's what I get for taking a 3 hour nap that ended when I should have been getting ready for bed. And yes, I know that staying up means I'll just have to take another nap tomorrow and the cycle will keep repeating. Such as life. But, today did turn in to be a better-than-expected day. I went into work early which means I got done early. Then I came home and tidied up and took a nap. It was a wonderful well needed nap. Before this nap I was not even functioning like a human. I was out of it and not knowing what people were saying to me. Spacey. But. It's amazing what a nap can do for a person. So. A nap I took. Then. My sister was in town. It was the best unexpected occurrence ever. So I met up with her and a bunch of people went to the coffee shop. I got a mocha frappe which was delish. My friend Greg was there and I got to talk to him. That actually probably made my day. I always love catching up with him. Then. Even better. My sister came over and decided to spend the night. We're getting up at 8 to make breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes. Mmmm mmm good.

On another note, I was thinking about things. Matters of the heart things. And the reason I'm up late is not only because I took too long of a nap but it's because I'm contemplative. Now. These matters of the heart don't really have anything to do with me wanting to have a boyfriend. Because I don't. But. I was just thinking about past happenings and past feelings and what not. Also. I was thinking about the difference between rejection and heartbreak. They don't come with the same feelings. Being rejected has to do with feeling inadequate. It's about thinking 'Dang. That person didn't want me so I must be boring and imperfect'. Things like that. Heartbreak has more to do with feeling like you just don't wanna be without that person. Of course rejection is entangled in with it., just as heartbreak comes with rejection. But the ideas are still different. And I've been both. I've been rejected and I've been heartbroken. And I've realized that although rejection really really sucks, heartbreak is the worst ever. And I'm finally starting to figure out why I felt differently after different break ups. A break up is a break up right? Nope. Come to realize one was more rejection and one was more heartbreak. And heartbreak is what makes it harder. Because it's not only that you feel inadequate., it's that you're really gonna miss the person. And for a while, the thought of being without that person just makes you want to curl up in a ball and sleep for an entire day. And then eat some cookie dough. And I've also realized that you can even be the one breaking the heart and still get pretty heart broken in the process. And it's hard to figure out what's worse. But. I think I'd rather have my heart broken than break someones heart. Because well., that's just a lot to be responsible for.

Today is one of those days where I could just go for a good man hug. You know., those Let-Me-Hold-You-Til-You-Know-It'll-All-Be-Okay Hug. Those are the best hugs I think a person can get.

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